Pills that Make it Tolerable - BTS
by Shmeeya
Summary: A collection of BTS short stories and one-shots. Trigger Warning - Suicide, Drugs, Depression, angst.
1. Pills

Yoongi fumbled with the white pills in his hand, pushing them around carelessly with his thumb. He chuckled, both bemused and angered simultaneously. He let out a frustrated groan and rolled his eyes before huffing and throwing the pills into the sink. A few of them broke into pieces at the force of the throw, others remained perfectly intact.

His legs were weak, he grabbed the edge of the sink firmly in his hand to support himself and ran the other through his hair. His knuckles turned white as he squeezed the edge harder, a cold sweat beading on his forehead. The sickening taste of bile started to creep up his throat and his mouth began to salivate heavily. He hung his head and opened his mouth, allowing his excess saliva to trail into the sink from his tongue.

His breathing was rough and ragged. He quickly pivoted on his foot and dove towards the toilet, nearly missing it as he began to vomit. Tears formed in his eyes as he gagged on his own puke and began rapidly streaming down his pale cheeks. He grabbed at the sides of the toilet, lowering his head down into the bowl as he panted. He sighed before retching once again and vomiting before he could flush the toilet.

He let out a shaky breath, lifting his sweaty, tear stained face as high as he could and flushed the toilet. A chill ran over him as he gagged, opening his mouth once more to vomit, only bile coming up. A frantic, booming knock came from the other side of the door. Yoongi groaned as he lifted his head towards the door.

"Y-Yoongi! What's going on? Open the door!" It was his neighbor and close friend, Kim Taehyung.

"I would..." Yoongi wheezed, trying to catch his breath. "But I can't." He groaned as he held his aching sides and propped himself up against the toilet.

Taehyung rattled the knob, sighing in defeat before mumbling a low apology, "I'm so sorry for this..."

Taehyung produced a loud bang from the other side of the door causing Yoongi to flinch, "cover your eyes!"

Yoongi did as he was told and quickly brought his arms to his face to shield his eyes. Taehyung produced yet another loud bang. The sound of splintering wood caught Yoongi's attention.

"Tae what are you doing?!" Yoongi screamed, his arms causing his voice to become muffled.

In an instant Taehyung hissed in pain, his fist busting through the door, knuckles bloody. "I'll get you a new door later. Yoongi what the hell is going on?!"

"Taehyung... I'm sorry..."

"Yoongi you didn't scold me. I didn't call you hyung."

"Taehyung... take me to the hospital..."

"Why? What did you do?!"

"Taehyung I think I've gone mental..."

"What are you saying?!"

"I've fallen in love with one of my dongsaeng..."

"Huh? Uh... ok?"

"And it was the weird one."

Taehyung narrowed his eyes at Yoongi.

"he is glaring at me. I think my heart is going to burst."

Taehyung's face flushed red at Yoongi's words.


	2. Waves

Jimin gasped, bolting upright in his bed. He panted as he hunched over, pulling his knees to his chest. He turned his head towards the alarm clock on his bedside table, the red numbers displaying the time of 3:13 AM. His plump lips parted as he sighed quietly before lying back down on his side, pulling the blankets up past his ears. He lazily extended his arm out towards his phone that resided on the table, checking to see if he had any new messages.

His hopes, however, were crushed as he discovered no one had messaged him. He sighed once again, placing his phone on the table once more before rolling over and pulling his pillow closer to him, embracing it tightly. Before he had fallen asleep he felt fine, lively, happy even. Now it was a different story. A feeling of numbness and helplessness had filled his hollow self. His heart aching and beating forcefully. He felt empty once more.

He recalled the last time he had felt such a way, around three months ago. His heart wrenched as he recalled what happened. BTS had just finished their tour, they would no longer be performing until their next. Jimin could no longer feel the joy of his smiling and laughing fans. His heart that was once swollen with love and adoration for his fellow members and close friends fell apart. Crushed as the overwhelming feeling of emptiness settled in. His prior happiness had been replaced with anger and sadness.

Tears brimmed in his eyes as he recalled the fight he had with Yoongi. The two of them usually got along, they would tease each other and make fun of one another but never in a serious way. They had their moments where they would bicker back and forth over something but it never escalated above a simple argument. Jimin had grown to have anger issues over the course of a few weeks, his temper had been raging. He and Yoongi had a disagreement and had started bickering until Jimin had turned the argument into a physical fight. After Jimin had slammed Yoongi into a wall Yoongi had lunged at him, not wanting to deal with Jimin's tantrum. They threw punches at one another and slammed each other into the walls and furniture. Fortunately Namjoon had walked in and separated the two.

Jimin's lips upturned slightly in a small smile before tightly creasing into a frown. He and Yoongi hadn't been close since the fight. Taehyung had taken Jimin to a doctor and got him some pills, which had helped. Up until two weeks ago when Jimin stopped taking them. He felt fine, the drug still going through his system up until it had stopped that night. It's effects wore off, Jimin's helplessness and depression returned.

He gulped before grabbing his phone once again, opening his messaging. He scrolled down to his messages with Yoongi, the last one sent the day before the fight.

 _Yoongi hyung_

 _I'm sorry._

 _I didn't mean to do it. I didn't want to do it..._

 _I lost control._

 _Yoongi._

 _Where's Taehyung?_

 _I need him._

 _Yoongi I'm really sorry, please wake up._

 _Please read your messages..._

 _Sorry... this is stupid. We haven't talked in three months. Forget this happened. Sorry._

Jimin sighed once again before putting his phone back on his bedside table. _Why did I message him of all people?_ Jimin pulled his blankets over his head as he curled up into a small ball, still holding his pillow close to his chest. He inhaled deeply through his nose, taking in the faint scent of the pillow. Yoongi's scent still clung to it faintly, bringing the smallest amount of comfort to Jimin. The tears that had formed in his eyes fell down his cheeks and onto his pillow as he recalled his friendship with Yoongi, the friendship he ruined.

Jimin's phone vibrated against the wood of the bedside table, gaining his attention. Jimin popped his head out from under his blankets and wiped the tears off his cheeks as he grabbed his phone. He squinted at the harsh light coming from his phone screeen and struggled half-heartedly to decrease the brightness.

 _What the hell Jimin?_

 _Whats going on?_

 _Are you still there?_

Jimin's hands shook violently as he stared at his texts, Yoongi had messaged him back. His phone continued to vibrate in his hand as Yoongi continued to message him. Tears started cascading down his cheeks once more as he read his messages.

 _Jimin?_

 _Answer me._

 _Jimin I'll get Taehyung, why do you need him?_

 _Have you been taking your pills?_

 _Jimin I'm going to Taehyung's house._

 **Don't.**

That's what Jimin wanted to say. He couldn't. He shook violently as sobs shook his body, his thumb hovering over the call button hesitantly before quickly tapping it before he could reconsider. Yoongi picked up at the first ring, his breathing ragged and sharp.

"Yoongi hyung..." Jimin croaked in a barely audible whisper as another sob escaped him.

"Jimin..." Yoongi panted, "where's the key?"

"what...?" Jimin mumbled, "it's under the mat?"

"Jimin it's not there." Yoongi breathed.

Yoongi groaned before falling silent. _He's probably upset with me._ Jimin sniffled before ending the call. A loud knock came from Jimin's apartment door. Jimin sat up, wiping the tears from his eyes.

"Jimin open this damn door!" Yoongi cried.

Jimin's eyes widened at the sound of Yoongi's voice. Clear and low, not being ruined by the microphone on his phone. Jimin slowly crawled out of bed and walked out of his bedroom and into the hall. He slowly put his fingers to the deadbolt lock on the door, hesitating and fearing to see Yoongi once again. He shook his head before quickly twisting the lock and stepping backwards out of the way of the door. Yoongi flung the door open without hesitation before embracing Jimin.

"You dumbass. You need to tell people about this. You need to tell us how you feel! You need to tell ME! You need to talk to us, to me. You can't just lock yourself up in this apartment for weeks on end without talking to us... You can't just talk to Taehyung for two minutes a day! We need to know you're taking your medicine... I need to know you're safe." Yoongi scolded as Jimin slowly wrapped his arms around the older male.

"I'm sorry..." Jimin sobbed.

"You don't have to be sorry..." Yoongi whispered, "You're stuck in a bottomless sea of sorrow and regret. Each time you resurface you get swept back under by another wave. You're drowning, you can't get out by yourself. You feel alone... lost... unable to come back. You resurface and get so close to the shore yet every time you get swept back... You aren't alone Jimin... I feel it too... I know how you feel... maybe not exactly... but enough to try my damned hardest to comfort you."

"hyung..."

"I love you Jimin."


End file.
